Ask us anything! A Q&A with my husband Sigh and I...
He's a jolly good sport to be here and we had so much fun filming it and reminiscing, so I hope you enjoy it.
What is your favourite outing date as a couple when you get time and pre-lockdown, and what do you both miss during lockdown?
Sigh:
Well, I think just some of the simple things. Just being out and about with the children, a trip somewhere for a day.
We quite enjoy getting in the car and getting completely lost, going down country lanes which you can't drive down because they're so narrow. It doesn't need to be two weeks in a Four Seasons in Palm Beach, although that would be nice, of course, just pottering around.
What three things do you love about each other the most and what three things don't you?
Sigh:
Well, apart from the fact that, as everybody knows, Charlie is utterly gorgeous. But actually, Charlie is an incredible mum. She's incredibly kind. She's incredibly loyal. So if you're a friend of Charlie's, you're a friend for life, and we have a completely trusting relationship, which I think is essential.
Charlie:
What are the negatives?
Sigh:
I have a long list written here somewhere. No, I think that there aren't many. I think one thing that, and Charlie knows this, I'm sure, is that I think she just sometimes thinks that I know what's in her mind. So she says, "Well, why haven't you done that, why didn't you do that?" and it's because I didn't know that that's what she wanted me to do. It may be just that I'm incredibly stupid, but yes, it's a bit like being told off at school, isn't it? Being told off for something that you didn't do. I mean, in my case, most of the time I was told off it was things which I did do …
Charlie:
My turn, what three qualities do I love in Sigh? His sense of humour, he's so unbelievably kind and generous, and so loving and just, honestly, the loveliest, kindest, nicest person in the entire world is Sigh.
Sigh:
Bring it on. I'm just sitting here lapping this up.
Charlie:
And I think the only negative is he can be a stubborn old git sometimes and set in his ways. Sometimes it is quite hard to train an old dog!
What is your favourite quality in Charlie? Having spent quality time with you both over the years and seeing the love you share, I'd love to know your favourite trait?
Sigh:
I think trust and loyalty. If the chips are down, Charlie, and very much like her Ma, will always be there, and like many families, we're experiencing that at the moment. It's not easy for anybody in the current situation and different businesses are affected in different ways, and ours is certainly massively affected, and Charlie is there right behind me and the family and the children, to do whatever she can to support whilst wanting to get on and do, get on with her Ask Charlie, which is becoming more and more successful, which is great.
What do you do, Sigh, and how do you fit in working from home with the kids currently homeschooling?
Sigh:
My business is seafood import supplying pub groups and the hospitality sector, hence why we were saying earlier that it's a pretty tough time. Our office is local, but we stock everything up in Grimsby. So I'm to and fro up to Grimsby when things are open. I'm pretty fortunate to have the office 15 minutes away from home. I can hare off there and escape everybody!
Charlie:
Joking apart, you have been really helpful. Sigh works from home some days, and we're just juggling it. I think everybody is juggling and muddling through, and he's not escaping to the office at every given chance but does go to the office at the weekend sometimes if he needs to catch up…
Sigh:
We just muddle along, but predominantly I'm here with the children and Sigh's at the office. Although sometimes he'll work from home in the morning or the afternoon or whatever. So it's pretty flexible, which is great.
Where did you meet?
Charlie:
We met in London. Sigh was friends with my boss and kept coming into the office. I worked for a property company, and he was mildly obsessed with property and kept coming in. I suppose he was a client too because we let out a flat that he had. I think that was the first time we met when I came over to give it an appraisal.
It took a little while, to be honest, I wasn't so keen in the beginning. I think Sigh was a bit keener on me. It took me a while, about a year and a half actually, and a cousin of mine in America said to me, "Say yes to everyone that asks you on a date because you never knew where it may lead." And I had that in the back of my mind. I had got to know Sigh over that period of time and thought, "Actually, he's a really, really nice guy. I really like him. He's really interesting. And why not?"
What did you do for your first date?
Sigh:
We went out to supper, to a club and dancing. I remember well that we were planning to meet that evening and Charlie bailed at the last minute!
Charlie:
I did. Just awful. I said I was too busy. It was just before Christmas. And I was frantically busy.
Sigh:
Probably a very valid excuse. But anyway, I pushed it and said, "Well, you can't go to bed without having anything to eat."
Charlie:
I had to go to a drinks party that same night. A friend was moving to Australia and she had leaving drinks and I had to be there. I got there, and I pretended I didn't feel very well because Sigh rang me in the car as I was driving down and said, "Have you eaten yet?" And I said, "No, I've just gone to this drink thing, but I won't stay for very long because I'm tired." And he said, "Well, you've got to eat tonight. What are you going to have?" I said, "Well, probably a bit of cheese on toast.", to which he replied "That's ridiculous. I'm picking you up at 9 o'clock."
So I got to this friends' leaving drinks, stayed not for very long, jumped to the car, whizzed back, changed my top, was mopping up the mascara under my eyes, and there was a ring at the doorbell and it was Sigh, and we went for supper and ended up dancing until 2:00 in the morning.
Sigh's moves on the dance floor are just phenomenal. We just had so much fun, lots of laughter. And at the end, Sigh put me in a taxi, kissed me on the cheek and said good night, and yes, it was a very happy, happy first date.
What was the moment that you realized you had found the one?
Sigh:
That is incredibly simple because as soon as I saw her, I knew it, I thought that is the one.
Charlie:
For me, it took longer. A lot of my friends were negative about the whole thing. Mum hadn't met Sigh, but she knew about him. I got in the car one morning and said to myself, "This is ridiculous. This is totally ridiculous. You've got to stop it before anyone gets hurt." And by the time I got to the office, which was about a five-minute drive, I thought, "But I've never been so happy, I've never had so much fun, and I can totally and utterly be 100% myself. So why am I going to end something so wonderful?" And that was when I knew that he was the one. And actually, that was pretty early on. That was probably about four weeks in, to be honest.
Sigh popped the question four months later!
What is your favourite memory with each other?
Charlie:
The moment we stood hand-in-hand at the top of the altar, having signed the registry. Sigh's father was a music composer and he composed the music to the Thunderbirds, and we had "Five, four, three, two, one," and then the Thunderbirds music as we left the church. I think that's one of my happiest memories of just us. It was really special. The church erupted, nobody knew that we were doing that.
Sigh:
Well, now I'm just reflecting on that because I do remember having some nerves about the day, which I think is perfectly normal on your wedding day, but I recall a friend of mine said to me, "Remember there are 150 people in that room and they are all rooting for you." And it was just incredibly sound piece of advice to hear because it just made the day even happier because one just knew that one was enjoying something and that everybody was part of that, and it was a really special, special moment for Charlie and I, and hopefully for all our friends too.
I think we know one of my favourite moments probably, was when we had our first child Archie. It's a really, really amazing moment. It does bowl you over, it's kind of the fulfilment of your marriage when you have your first child, it's an incredibly, incredibly special time. So that would be mine.
Charlie:
Yes, an unbelievably amazing moment. Arch was born in the middle of the night and it felt like we were the only people in the world. Everything was still, everything was quiet.
Sigh:
I seem to remember that the birthing room you were in had different lights and music, and it kind of felt a bit like a nightclub circa the 1980s in the South of France.
Charlie:
I didn't get that vibe!!!
What made you move to the country? Is it something that was discussed early on in your courtship or once you were married, and how has the move enriched your lives?
Charlie:
Well, Sigh was already living in Sussex. He'd moved out of London, 10 to15 years before we met. So he was well-established down here. I knew that once we got married, I'd be moving down to Sussex too. So it was never really a discussion because his business was here. I grew up in the countryside. So I knew for me, having a family, which is what we wanted, in London wasn't my first choice at all. I also love horses and dogs and animals, and that in London is a lot harder obviously.
I did live in London for six months after we were married before we bought this house. We'd been looking for a long time, and we hadn't found a home together. Sigh was renting a small cottage and his business was there when we met. It took us a while to find this, and then I moved down. I was five minutes from the office in London and still working there, so it didn't make too much sense to commute by the time Arch was conceived about a month after we bought this house.
It just works well for us in the country, with the children, with the animals, and I love having space, the greenery, being able to go out and walk and ride.
What are the three best things and what are the three challenges about having a 20 year age gap?
Charlie:
Actually, it's 22 years, but we don't talk about that. I'm not aware of it. When we were first together, my friends seem to have quite a big issue with it, but Sigh is so young at heart and has never really grown up. He still puts very loud music on early on a Saturday morning and the house is rocking. He loves a party and has got a great sense of fun. So, for me, I'm not aware of the age gap terribly at all. I suppose it's more of a problem for other people than it is for us. I know mum had quite a problem with it until she got to know Sigh. But I think once people got to know us as a couple and see how we work together, then they didn't have a problem or an issue with it either.
I don't worry about Sigh being older. I'm aware of it, but I don't think, "Oh my goodness, I've got to make the most of this because something could happen." because anything could happen to any of us at any time. You just have to enjoy and live each moment. And, if you're really happy together, don't worry about what anyone else thinks because it's their problem, not yours!
Sigh:
It's not something that I reflect on or something that I think about. I mean, I think a lot of it to do is about emotional maturity and as Charlie just said, I'm probably quite immature and she is probably quite mature, so we kind of meet somewhere in the middle.
I think probably one of the challenges of being an older dad, sometimes it can be quite tiring, it can be quite hard work and perhaps doing things that one doesn't always feel like doing. But then on the plus side to that, I've probably got more time today than I had before, or can certainly make more time for the children and the family, and as everyone gets older, you probably start to recognize a little bit more about what are the important things in life.
What are your favourite dishes or meals that Charlie makes for you?
Sigh:
Well, I have to say, I do love her lasagnes. I think those are really, really good, absolutely delicious. Charlie also makes this amazing sauce with cold beef.
Charlie:
Yes. It's red wine and crème fraîche and it's delicious.
Sigh:
And Charlie does an amazing key lime pie, which everybody loves.
What's your favourite fish dish?
Sigh:
Well, my favourite fish dish just in general is Dover sole. I love Brill, which is a bit similar to Turbot, but half the price, and I think just as good. I love Wild Salmon that we have that comes in from Alaska, which I'm involved in. And delicious black cod. And a really good fish pie. I do like tinned sardines, which I have two or three times a week in the office!
How do you work on forming family culture and which traditions and values do you hope your children will take with them once they're grown up?
Sigh:
I think one of the keys to start with is we are pretty good as a family at sitting down and having our suppers or our Sunday lunches or that sort of thing together. I think that that is a key starting point. Time round the table and spending time together, listening to each other.
Charlie:
No phones, no devices, no TV. We sit and we chat and we laugh, and we catch up. It's really important.
Sigh:
I think that, without using too much of a cliche, I think the quality that we would like our children to follow, is to do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. It's a very, very simple mantra. And if you can live by that, and if our children can live by that as best they can, then everything else follows and fits into place.
Charlie:
It really does. I'm always saying, "Treat other people as you would like to be treated, be kind, be thoughtful." And I think that quality family time together is so important. During the lockdown, we're having three meals a day at the table together, discussing, chatting, working on their table manners, put your napkin on your lap, hold your cutlery properly, and things like that, without taking out the spirit of the children. Gus is particularly spirited. I grew up in quite a strict family as I think Sigh probably did, and I think you could easily squash a child's spirit by being too domineering. So we do have a sense of humour and fun around the table and we do laugh and we do joke, but they know how to behave when they need to, which I think is terribly important.
Sigh:
Their school motto is to be the best that you can be, which I think is a great motto.
Charlie:
I think the other thing is that particularly with the world of devices and electronics and everything else that's going on, I'm trying to get the children when they greet people to look them in the eye, and when they're asked, "How are you?" to say, "Yes, I'm very well, thank you." and have the courtesy to say, "And how are you?" it has taken a bit of time to just encourage that natural response. So, thinking of others.
What was the first thing you noticed about Charlie and how did you know that she was the one?
Sigh:
I suppose to answer the second part of the question first, I just knew. I can't define that. Going back to the first part of the question, Charlie's just absolutely stunning and I just thought, "Wow."
Charlie:
Oh, bless you.
Sigh:
And still think, "Wow." every morning I wake up, believe me, she looks amazing in the morning. She looks like this all the time!
Charlie:
I don't!
Sigh:
I think we both respect one another and enjoy each other's company, conversation. I could chat with you for hours and hours. And we did, in that year and a half when we were getting to know each other, we chatted a lot and spent a fortune on mobile phone calls, driving around the country on three-hour phone calls.
Charlie:
We did! I drove from Devon to London on the phone to Sigh, the entire journey. So we'd got to know one another and I think we just really connected well.
Do you have similar parenting ideas and how do you navigate any differences?
Sigh:
I think the absolute key for us and none of us are perfect at this but is actually to be consistent. And you need to be on the same page and to be unwavering, so that if we say, "Look, if you do that, the consequences are going to be" to stick by it, i.e. "If you do that, then you will lose your iPad for a day." And it's gone for a day and the children can't come up to Charlie or come up to me and say, "Daddy can I have it back?" No, that is it.
So I think it's supporting each other because, as we all know, we love them to pieces but our children are incredibly clever at finding a way, if they can, to get what they want by trying to play perhaps one parent slightly off against the other and get down the middle and see if they can find a route to get what it is they're after.
Charlie:
Yes, you've got to be on the same sheet and if you're not, and if you do have things that you don't agree on, it's really important you don't have that conversation in front of the children and to go and just privately discuss and say, "Hang on. I don't agree with you on that point." Because if you have that in front of your children, you will show weakness!
Sigh:
And we don't agree on absolutely everything, but the important thing is not to undermine each other in front of the children. If there is a difference of opinion, and of course there are from time to time, you need to be able to take that away and discuss it and then agree on how we're going to move forward.
Charlie:
And we do have a lot of discussions, particularly as the children are approaching their teens, Archie's 12 and a half, and we have to have discussions and put boundaries in place and work together. I talk a lot about us as a family, being a team, and actually, if all the team players are on the same side, it works really well, and if you've got a team player that isn't pulling its weight, then you struggle. And I think we work well, we're probably are both joint captains of our team.
Sigh:
And I think at the moment also, because of lockdown and because of homeschooling and everything that's going on at the moment, we've also become a little bit more flexible. We've probably widened the boundaries a little bit, for example with tech, it's getting that balance right, but it's the way they're communicating with their friends today and is a way for them not to go completely berserk…
Charlie:
I don't think we wanted to relax the rules on that, but we realized the children need to communicate and play games with their friends if they're not seeing them. So they are having more time than they would do normally. And also it's winter, so it's harder for them to be outside as much.
I hope you all enjoyed that insight!
Wishing you a really happy Valentines weekend filled with love, and I will see you again next week.
Love, Charlie x